(Reposted from Patreon, August 31st)
Hello friends,
On this last day of the month, August 31st, my mom’s birthday, I wanted to let everyone know that she passed away a week ago today.
I’m pretty upset but I’m also okay. Her body just gave out on her this year and there was nothing anyone could really do. I wish she’d had more time but I wouldn’t have wanted her to exist as she was longer than necessary. I think because my grandmother and her sisters all lived to be 100, we assumed my mom would too. Oops.
I feel too young to go through this.
We’ve been spending the week getting her affairs in order, which was much more complicated than I anticipated but as her only child and only heir, everything falls to me. She had no money to her name so I was only able to have her cremated due to the kindness of friends loaning me money.
The toxic family-friends I mentioned during previous health battles with my mom have reared their ugly heads again, but I quickly delete and block, and this time I won’t ever have to hear from them again. Basically saying that I wasn’t around enough, didn’t love her enough, shouldn’t have moved to Maui, that I will suffer karma and regret for the rest of my life. Super kind and compassionate stuff. Definitely the sort of things you say to someone while they’re grieving after they’ve lost their only parent.
It’s not been the greatest month ever, I’ll tell you that.
I don’t know how this will change me going forward, but losing my number one supporter and fan is hard to swallow. My mom was always enthusiastic and excited about whatever I wanted to do. I’m happy she saw me find success in art and fulfill my dream of living in Hawaii. I know she was proud of me. Looking through all her photos, from before and after I was born has been very emotional for me.
I’m sad she will never again see a new painting.
I’m sad she won’t get to see anything having to do with the tv show. She was excited about that.
I just wish I could call her and talk to her about it. All of it, this whole week, the last month. I wish I could call her and talk to her about tv shows we both watched.
Anyway.
I hope you’re all doing well and looking forward to the next month. I’ll get back to things… when I get back to them, I guess.
The Maui fires mean that everyone on the rest of the island are losing their jobs, including Colin. We don’t know what awaits us when we return but I’m thankful he was able to be here with me.